Back in Vancouver I used to DJ. Then, through a few twists of fate, I started doing live laptop performances (kinda on a Girl Talk tip). It was mad fun and my gigs were generally at interesting venues with appreciative crowds (as opposed to the opiate masses at some of the parties I would spin at). I was playing an 'Electric Campfire' at an avant garde artspace and a diminutive blond approached me after my set. She had seen all of my shows (which would make her the only one) and within 5 minutes she wanted to make out with me. At the time this shouldn't have been a problem, but there was a definite aura of whack-ness about her so I declined. Which, just made her more determined. She ended up following me around the rest of the night, the insanity in her eyes glowing brighter with every spurned advance. I realized then that crazed female fans weren't my ish - BUT fast-forward to now and I'm curious - do successful screenwriters have groupies?
They say never to make movies about writers (that's right, f*ck you Barton Fink). It might be a leap in logic, but I'm thinking that the same things that make wordsmiths (I hate that term btw) un-screenworthy also kills their groupie potential. First off, writing is an internal process, which is hard to portray on screen. Next off, unlike actors (emotive) and directors (leaders), writers mainly do their thang in isolation, so there isn't the performance aspect that seems to be a groupie prerequisite. Finally, writers have a rep of being nebbish and socially awkward which, although 'cute' in principle, are game killers.
Well, I'm here to change all that.
But before I do, let me address some nagging questions. I realize that some authors represent. But the question isn't if a talented, rich & famous writer can nab a premium babe. The sad truth is a talented, rich & famous anyone can (case in point - pro sports). No, I'm curious if there are throngs of woman actively seeking that rookie scribe whose "the Sopranos, but in space" script was just optioned by New Line.
Which leads to the notion as to why there are groupies in the first place. My theory falls into the realm cultural anthropology. A friend of mine went to Africa to write about Donga stick fighters. They would travel great distances to battle it out with other warriors. Now this was less intricate martial arts swordplay than "Hulk smash!", since the only rule was not to kill your opponent. So after one combatant was reduced to a bloody pulp, the other would be raised to a platform where the village's hottest tail would clamor for his attention. He would pick the one he was hard 4 fancied the most, then they would head to the nearby jungle and have a stick fight of a different variety.
No new news here (dear god, I just inadvertently quoted John Mellencamp), alpha dogs attract foxes. While there are fringe benefits to being a groupie - back stage access, hush money, paternity settlements - the core behavior is likely a primal attraction to someone better than the rest. But for some reason I kinda doubt the average Hollywood writer would register in this capacity. After all, tapping some keys on a Macbook Pro ain't f*cking up some dude with a branch.
So how do I plan on changing all this? I'm going to rebrand screenwriters. In fact, I've already started (you're reading this blog, right?). I'm keeping the rest of the details close to my desperate manly chest, but the more I break the mold of the stereotypical script geek the more groupies will invarbiably fall out of the sky. Granted, this is the last thing I want, but consider this 'paving the path' for the rest of you wordnerds following my golden light to the heights of screenwriting stardom.
Logically though this is all self explanatory .... tis is an interesting subject & after reading the comments it got me thinking so I thought about it & came up with this.....looked at how the word goupie is spelt... I see it like this pronounced 'group-pie' ;)
i noticed you topped by my blog, so i thought i'd take a gander at yours. as a poet, i've got tons of hot people all over me, because i'm just so sensitive.
okay, i lied. anyway, i liked this a lot. it made me laugh, which is oh so nice. a very good subject to ponder...i don't understand groupies. srsly.
thinking that the losers i see pounding on their mbp's whilst sitting at coffee bean with their headphones on ... having groupies ... um ... kinda makes me sick. ;)
What a great post! I have often puzzled over the whole Groupie thing, probably because it won't happen for print salesmen either. I would strongly consider being a groupie for Naomi Wolf though, I have a thing for outspoken intellectual mothers on the TSA list apparently. ;)
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